The Changing Face of Marriage

My personal experience of the 'domestic church' is evident through my family, particularly my parents, sister, and grandparents. I was raised Catholic, and my parents taught me about God before I went to school. Similarly, my grandmother, a devout Catholic, frequently referenced the stories of Jesus in the Bible before I even knew how to read it myself. Because I had an older sister who entered Catholic school before me, she would tell me about her religion classes in school, teaching me about God from a young age.

Evidenced by He's Just Not That Into You, there are pros and cons to the changing structure of marriage in modern society. As a society, people are getting married later; this can be seen as both a benefit and a problem. Gigi feels that she needs to find someone immediately, and she becomes desperate and a little crazy in her quest to find love. Because she thinks she needs to have a boyfriend and be in a serious relationship to be in the right place in her life—values instilled in her by the traditional marriage structure—she is willing to stalk out her potential boyfriends. Conversely, Beth and Neil have been waiting to get married, but they've been together long enough to build a great relationship with each other.

I agree with the study that says those with college degrees are less likely to experience divorce because college allows people to experience the dating culture, establish your beliefs, and find who you are from a very young age. From then on, people can be more secure in what they want from themselves and others, and therefore, they are more prepared for the marriage scene. Obviously the most important reason to go to college is to better yourself through education and a future means of employment, but it isn't bad to know that going to college will also increase my chances at a more durable relationship in the future.

Personally, I think it's important for people to decide their own faith. That being said, I want to establish the 'domestic church' in my home because I think it's important to give my children a solid foundation in the Catholic church because it emphasizes values such as kindness and charity.

Dating Culture

Throughout history, dating has evolved with the times. While many of us view dating as a precursor to marriage, anti-daters such as Josh Harris criticize dating for many reasons.

In his book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Harris claimed that dating was essentially practice for divorce because of the frequency of break-ups. Because dating is often short-term, it instills the idea that relationships are temporary. Although anti-daters are not totally against going out with your potential partner, they believe that dating should mostly be about determining suitability for marriage. Most anti-daters believe that God plays a hand in connecting them and their future spouse, so they are not worried about missing out on potential partners.

I disagree with this view; to me, it seems like an excuse to sit around and wait for the "perfect" person to fall into your life by the grace of God. Instead of thinking as a break-up or bad relationship as a precursor for divorce, I like to think of it as a learning experience. If a relationship doesn't work out for the long term, there was a reason:  something about that person that you couldn't overlook. Whether it's an annoying habit or a personality trait that got under your skin, you can now put that on your list of things that you are not willing to compromise. Each relationship provides us with learning experiences about both ourselves and others that teach us what we want in other people and what we don't want. 

Contrary to the view of Harris and the anti-daters, Donna Freitas and Jason King argue that we learn from all of the relationships and that through relationships of all sorts, we can grow in our understanding of who God calls us to be. Freitas and Jason King claim that anti-daters choose not to pursue dating because they assume dating is all about sex, but they refute this thought, saying that while dating is not entirely about sex, romantic gestures and intimacy allow us to think of the needs of others.

Love Story Reflection

My Aunt Donna and Uncle Tim's wedding was the first I had ever been too, and it sparked my curiosity about relationships. All of the other relationships that I witnessed day-to-day had been together since before I was born, and I never questioned them. Seeing the union of my aunt and uncle made me curious. Although I was probably more excited for the wedding because I was a flower girl and I got to wear my First Holy Communion dress again, I was also intrigued.

My aunt and uncle's relationship isn't typical in that they never really had a dating life. For a majority of their relationship, they either were just friends, lived across the country, or lived in different countries. I distinctly remember a time when I was in California with my cousins. My dad's sister also live in California, so we were visiting them, but my aunt and uncle came to visit. 

We were watching a movie called Sleepover, which I would classify as a romantic comedy. When they teenage couple finally kissed at the end of the movie, my aunt commented that she and my uncle never kissed until their wedding. At the time, I thought this was very strange, but this is in accordance with how their relationship progressed. After talking to my Aunt Donna, she credits their strong friendship as the reason they have such a successful marriage, along with respect and communication. 

Because my aunt and uncle never kissed until their marriage, they are unlike most relationships portrayed in the media. The fact that they were a successful long-distance relationship makes them unique, but even more than that, they were always friends first. 

The song that I think describes their relationship best is "You're My Best Friend" by Queen because that is what they are to each other, and they have been for almost 20 years. The song says, "I've been wandering round / But I still come back to you / In rain or shine / You've stood by me girl / I'm happy, happy at home. / You're my best friend." I think this accurately describes this relationship because no matter how far away they got, Donna and Tim always came back to each other. 

Love Songs

I personally don't believe in soul mates—I don't believe that there is one person in this world who was made to be your other half. That places too much in the hands of fate and circumstance. But I guess I do think that it can be viewed as a quest. A personal journey of self-exploration that will allow you to reevaluate priorities and better determine suitable characteristics in a partner. The song that most accurately depicts my ideal relationship is "I Like You" by Ben Rector. The lyrics say, "There's no need to complicate it / Dress it up or overstate it." I, personally, think love is over exaggerated, and I think this song notes the importance of getting back to the basics of love—actually liking the person you're with.

Some love songs that I like are:

1. And I Love Her by The Beatles
A lot of The Beatles' songs—especially their earlier material—are romantic. What I love so much about The Beatles love songs is that they are sweet and simple.

Bright are the stars that shine

Dark is the sky

I know this love of mine

Will never die

And I love her

2. Ever Enough by A Rocket to the Moon
This song presents love as an enduring force because people are willing to fight for love, even when hope is fading.

Everything inside of me is living in your heartbeat

Even when all the lights are fading

Even then if your hope was shaking

I'm here holding on

3. Still Into You by Paramore
This song simply states that relationships aren't always easy, but when there is love, people have a reason to keep fighting.

It's not a walk in the park
To love each other
But when our fingers interlock
Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it
'Cause after all this time I'm still into you

4. She Is Love by Parachute
What I love about this song is that the lyrics look at a relationship with love itself, describing what love in general will do for you. While the song is romantically inclined, as "love" is given the persona "she," the lyrics really emphasize the power of love as an entity.

I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around
But she takes it all for me.
And I lost my faith, in my darkest days,
But she makes me want to believe.
They call her love, love, love, love, love.

5. I Like You by Ben Rector

This is probably my favorite love song. Ben Rector calls out other love songs for being too over the top, saying the life isn't only the high/good moments, and love songs should not reflect only the great moments of love. Sometimes love is just something that happens when you're "walking in between" big moments of your life, and I think that's a beautiful way to describe love.

There are way too many love songs
And I think they've got it all wrong
Cause life is not the mountain tops
It's the walking in between
And I like you walking next to me.

Gender Roles

As a young woman, I have dealt with the stereotypes placed on boys and girls. In preschool, we had time for art every day. My favorite colors were green and blue, so I frequently made my four-year-old masterpieces with those colors. One day, the boy next to me asked me why I wasn’t using pink, which was a girl color, while blue and green were not. I told him that there were no boy and girl colors, only different colors, and I could use whichever color I so chose. I continued to draw with only green and blue. Similarly, society encourages girls to play with dolls and toy kitchens, preparing them for motherhood, while boys are encouraged to build with blocks and LEGOs, which teach problem solving skills, develop an interest in engineering, and prepare men for the workforce.

My family was very close with the family that lived across the street, who had two boys and one girl. Although we played dress-up together, we also played LEGOs and video games. For a long time, there were only three cousins on my mom's side of the family—my sister, my cousin Matt, and I. We spent a lot of time together, and because he was outnumbered, Matt played "girly" games with us. As there were only two girls, I was both "daddy's girl" and the son he never had. We played sports together, and I went to the Irish Center to watch games with him on the weekends. My dad once taught me this trick—a weird way to put your shirt on if it was inside out. When my mom saw me do it, she told me that was how boys put their shirts on, but I continued to do it because I was a tomboy and I didn't understand why there had to be different ways for boys and girls to do something.

Because Mount places critical importance on the education of women, I have come to value my education and my intelligence above all else. I have become more comfortable with my successes and less concerned with how men will view me if I am smarter than them. I have realized that I do not have to conform to stereotypical characteristics of femininity to be a woman. I have horrible dining etiquette, I've worn makeup less than 10 times in my life, I rarely wear jewelry, I eat like a teenage boy, and I wear my converse with almost all of my nice outfits. In an environment without the presence of boys, I have become more comfortable with myself, and this will continue into my future.

Personally, I expect my future romantic relationships to be generally egalitarian because I refuse to be tied into stereotypical gender roles.  Last year in English, we were discussing Pride and Prejudice and we did a group activity in which the students had a minute to write down important characteristics for a successful marriage. We then proceeded to write our most important value on the board. The girl before me wrote "love," and I wrote "equality." Love is important, but I know I could never love anyone who didn't treat me equally. While my parents conform to typical roles in some ways, they also split responsibilities. My dad cooks, and both of my parents work. I expect my marriage to be balanced.

Miss Representation

Although I was not previously unaware of the misrepresentation of women in the media, I was still shocked to learn some of the facts states in Miss Representation. Self-objectification is a national pandemic encouraged in young girls by the objectification of women in the media. In my opinion, the injustices were most evident with women in power. Instead of focusing on the positions of women, the media is always concerned with the physical appearance or womanly faults of the lady in the limelight. The media bias portrays men and women completely different; if a male politician cries, he is sensitive, but if a woman politician cries, she is weak and unfit to be a leader. This bias restricts women from gaining significant positions in government—only 17% of Congress are women, and there have only been 34 female governors, in comparison with close to 3000 male governors.

Mount has positively influence my understanding of gender and identity because it not only bolsters women empowerment, but also allowed me to find myself in an environment without boys. Mount has encouraged me to value what's inside more than what's outside, and I'm grateful for the emphasis on education. However, I also feel that the all-girls environment has sheltered me. I've grown accustomed to an environment that boosts up young women, which differs from how society and the media treats young women. While Mount has prepared me for handling myself in the future, I do not know how prepared I will be to handle not only how men view me, but also how other girls view themselves.

I work as a bus person and a waitress, and the people I work with are mostly women. Therefore, in my current employment, I have not experienced the impact of gender. However, as a young woman pursuing engineering, a male-dominated career, I sometimes worry about how my gender will influence my role in the workplace in the future. I do not know if the work environment will be welcoming or hostile to women engineers, and I worry that I will have to prove myself more than my male counterparts.

Personal Mission Statement

My personal mission is to spread happiness, understanding, compassion, and laughter everywhere I go.

Always to give people the benefit of the doubt, treating them the way I want to be treated.
To set new goals for myself continually as I accomplish my dreams.
Never to forget that helping others will lead me to true joy.
To smile always, consciously choosing my own happiness with the intent of encouraging others to do the same.
To perform small acts with great love.
To live so that no one ever comes to me without leaving happier.
To know that I only get to live once, so I should at least try to do something remarkable.